St. Crispin's Day

Huh? How is it even possible that Wikipedia gives me some other dudes' saint's day as I'm about to go observe St. Patrick's Day? Today, we'll celebrate the Irish...and two martyred twins named Crispin and Crispinian, who garnered themselves their own day. St. Crispin's Day is October 25. Mark it down!

Now, I find it incredibly hard to believe that anyone would name their child Crispin. It's even more difficult to understand that the crazy hellion (sorry--mother of saints) who had these two didn't think just one Crispin was enough. She needed a Crispin AND a Crispinian. It would appear that the Catholic Church and I are on the same page here. They took these two crispy bitches out of the liturgical calendar because there was "insufficient evidence that they actually existed." Damn straight.

Now, Biff. I'm not trying to con you. I want to make it clear that I do indeed respect the one notable REAL Crispin out there, George McFly (Crispin Glover), and I will celebrate him on his now defunct saint's day. Although maybe it would be more fun to celebrate him by lighting up a J on his real birthday (which he shares with Hitler & my good friend Allison), April 20. Let's get crispy!

Wow. I think I just invented a new euphemism for stoned. Sweeeeet.