Javan Scops Owl

Look. I know this isn't Fuck You, Penguin, or anything, but I'd really like to take this opportunity to give the Javan Scops Owl a piece of my mind for being so sad & whiny, rubbing my nose in his loneliness. He looks like a real passive aggressive fucker, doesn't he? "No, it's fine. I'll go to Party City and buy all the food and decorations. I'll clean the house. Don't worry about me. You just come to the party and have a good time. I don't want you to help me." But you want help, owl. You want help.

That's why he has no friends, you know. He doesn't even have any relatives. They all got sick of his shit and peaced out. It's right there on his Wikipedia page. The entire thing is two sentences and they both sound like they were written by a grandma that got no phone calls on her birthday:

The Javan Scops Owl (Otus angelinae) is a rare owl native to Indonesia. There are no sub-species.

That's it. That's all he gets! You know what, owl? You better shape up and stop it with the sad panda act. You're not even close to being as cute as a panda so you better just let your glowing personality shine through and find a girlfriend, or you'll be the last to carry the Javan Scops name. And what a lovely name it is.