Alec Issigonis

Aside from having a hard-to-pronounce last name, Sir Alexander Arnold Constantine Issigonis, Sir Alec* if you're nasty, is credited with the development of the coolest tiny car ever: the MINI.

Totally badass. It's the star of the Italian Job, for Pete's sake. As a tiny car owner, I have to bow down to the surprising masculinity MINI is able to pull off. Sure, my VW Cabrio is pretty cute in a daddy-bought-me-a-car-for-my-21st-birthday kind of way.** But I highly doubt you'd ever see MINI's Italian Job co-star Mark Wahlberg in one (surely Jason Statham and even intellectual rapper Mos Def would steer clear as well). Maybe this is why I can't get a dude. My car's too gay for any guy to picture himself in. Yeah...that's it.

At least my Cabrio is cooler than a Smart Car, right? We picked one of those up and moved it, Mentos commercial-style, when we were in Spain. Ay dios mio! And no matter what, I know my car is more acceptable than this Nano thing. Right? I mean, it only costs $2K, but it's creepy and, ostensibly, only available in India.

Okay, let's be honest. I kind of want one. I'm going to Mumbai in August, so I can pick a couple up. Marky Mark won't get in the car with me, but maybe it has enough exotic panache to help me snag the kid from Slumdog Millionaire. Or Anoop from American Idol. Or Jay Chandrasekhar (maybe just so I can give him a ZJ).

Fuck, I don't know why I'm assuming I can only pick up Indian guys with this thing. I should expand my options. Seth Green was in the Italian Job, but totally wasn't man enough to get near the MINI. Hmm. I did quite enjoy him in Can't Hardly Wait. Get out of my dreams, get in my Nano, Seth!

PS: Mark Wahlberg talks to animals. Just in case you forgot about this one.

*Just so we're all clear, let's not confuse Sir Alec with Count Alex, of Real Housewives of NYC fame (aka the only reason The Countess deLesseps has more class than you). God, I love those crazy broads.

**For the record, I bought the car myself when I was 25.