The Sea-Maiden

Hey, I'm back. And just in time for a weird Irish fairy tale. The Sea-Maiden paints mermaids in a much dimmer light than Hans Christian Andersen did with his beloved children's story, that's for sure. The mermaid in this shit is the bad guy. Or gal (ugh, I hate that word). The Wiki entry was really confusing, though, because this story was adapted by two different authors, and the plot summarydelineates the differences between the two versions while outlining the plot. In other words, I'm not really sure what happens in this story, other than the fact that the mermaid is a Rumpelstiltskin type. Sorry, mermaids.

I guess it's about time mermaids catch a bad rap, though. Their name obviously insinuates their beautiful fair maidenness. And they live in the water so they're extra awesome. I bet this is the only story ever where a mermaid is anything less than totally smokin' hot and fun. This story did for mermaids what Lindsay Lohan did for, um, well, herself. Y'know back at the turning point when LiLo was in "Mean Girls" and everyone--even Tina Fey the genius--said she was the next big thing. But then she decided she liked coke in her nose better than having acting jobs, which was quite detrimental to her own reputation.

Actually, since The Sea-Maiden is a pretty under-the-radar tale, I'm sure it didn't do that great of a job marring the reputation of the mermaid population. I'm pretty sure every guy I know would still say Ariel is by far the hottest Disney princess. Eh, now that I think about it, isn't it more like an ongoing toss-up between Ariel and Princess Jasmine?*

It's like in Pulp Fiction when they say everyone's either an Elvis person or a Beatles person--you can't like both equally. (The answer is of course Beatles. It's only acceptable to say Elvis if your name is Uncle Jesse.) Is a guy either an Ariel person or a Princess Jasmine person (or, if you're Garth Algar or my friend Skinny, a Bugs-Bunny-in-a-dress person)? And, by that logic, is a lady either a Prince Eric person or an Aladdin person? Maybe.

Personally, I find both dudes rather attractive (despite the obvious problem that they exist only on the cels created by those crafty Disney Imagineers), but I'm gonna have to go with Aladdin on this one. He was troubled and down-to-earth even though he was BFF with Robin Williams, a rug and a monkey in a hat. Eric, while conventionally hotter and more rugged, was, after all, a prince. And that means he's probably a bit of a douche.

Maybe not, though. I was recently fooled when I met this polo-clad, BlackBerry-weilding, finance-jobbed, rich-family guy that I was sure would be a total douche. Turns out he was actually rather normal and friendly. Maybe "don't judge a book by its cover" was the lesson we were all supposed to learn from The Sea-Maiden? It was either that or "mermaids are bitches."