Milk River, Alberta, Canada

So I think this is my karmic retribution for making fun of Canadians in my last post. Let me just state for the record that I highly enjoy most Canadians. Off the top of my head, I can definitively state that the only ones I can't support are the members of Nickelback.

Let me also just state for the record that Milk River, a town of 816 located on the body of water of the same name, evokes (for me at least) endless visions of gumdrop mountains, candy cane lanes and peanut brittle bridges, all watched over lovingly Lord Licorice, Princess Lolly and that cold bitch Queen Frostine.

Listen, I know milk isn't exactly the sweetest beverage around, and it's mildly random that the possibility of a river of milk is causing me to daydream of Candyland characters, Willy Wonka's factory or that creepy-ass Charlie the Unicorn video, but I'm thinking it has something to do with a story my friend sent me earlier this week. Apparently, this restaurant in NYC called Momofuku Milk Bar (I know, WTF, Clockwork Orange?) is now selling milk that tastes like delicious cereal has been soaking in it all day. It's infused (to sound like the pretentious foodie that I'm not) with the delicious sweetness of Fruity Pebbles, Cap'n Crunch or Lucky Charms.

Now, while this sounds more than palatable on two counts (I don't care what you say. Lucky Charms are sick.), I don't know if I really agree with this. Trends that entice people to pay $5.60 for something that would usually cost roughly $.49 generally make me uneasy (as in Starbucks instant oatmeal and that dumbass Cereality chain). I mean, why drink the tasty, sugary milk without eating the cereal first? I would prefer to do both, which is why I bought myself a box of Fruity Pebbles about four hours after I read about the magical milk bar. And I've eaten at least a bowl every day since.

I should probably mention that this milk article was sent to me as yet another counterpoint in a longstanding debate over how long it takes to pour & eat a bowl of cereal. My co-workers and I did some intense market research (i.e. asked our friends via Facebook & gchat) to figure it out. Many of those questioned claimed it takes upwards of 12 or 13 minutes, but after actually testing it out realized it only takes about 5 or 6 minutes at most.

It takes me 3. But not if the bowl is the entire Milk River the cereal is a lifetime supply of Fruity Pebbles. God, I hope I dream about that tonight. And that there are unicorns there
(and snozberries).